HOW TO FIGHT in SPANISH: Say this when you’re Angry!
Me encantarĂa que nunca tuvieras que pelear, ni con tus amigos ni con tu pareja, con nadie. (I would love it if you never had to fight, not with your friends or your partner, with anyone.) Pero desafortunadamente en toda relaciĂłn habrá conflicto. (But unfortunately in every relationship there will be conflict.)
Pero no te preocupes porque PaulĂsima, tu maestra favorita de español, te va enseñar como navegar una pelea en español. (But don’t worry because PaulĂsima, your favorite Spanish teacher, will teach you how to sail a fight in Spanish.)
Everything started with an innocent question…
Hola mi amor. ÂżCĂłmo te fue en el trabajo?Â
(Hey my love. How was work?)
Bien, normal, y Âża ti?Â
(Fine, normal, and you?)
Estuvo sĂşper pesado. Mi jefe se portĂł horrible conmigo y tuve que lidiar con unos clientes odiosos. Oye, Âżsi te acordaste de comprar la leche?Â
(It was super heavy. My boss behaved terribly to me and I had to deal with a bunch of hideous clients. Hey, did you remember to buy the milk?)
Ay no gĂĽey. Se me olvidĂł.Â
(Oh no shoot! I forgot.)
¡De nuevo se te olvidó! ¡Hasta te mandé mensaje!
(You forgot again! I even sent you a message!)
¡Y sabĂas que la necesito para mi licuado!Â
(And you know I need it for my milkshake!)
Now we have two options: go for a fight, or try to solve things.
If we go for a fight, it might go like this…
Ay perdĂłn, pero si tanto la necesitabas la hubieras comprado tĂş.
(Oh sorry, but if you needed it so much, you could have bought it yourself.)
¿Perdón? Yo te dije el lunes que yo la iba a comprar pero ¡tú te ofreciste porque te quedaba más cerca!
(Excuse me? I told you on Monday that I was going to buy it, but then you offered because it was closer for you!)Â
Ay ya, ¡no es para tanto!Â
(Oh c’mon, it’s not that big of a deal!)
ÂżNo es para tanto? ¡AcuĂ©rdate que estoy a dieta! ¡TĂpico!Â
(Not that big of a deal? Remember that I’m on a diet! Typical!)
TĂpico ÂżquĂ©?
(Typical what?)
Pues tú que prometes algo y no lo cumples…
(Well, you promise something and don’t deliver…)
¿Ah s� Y ¿qué tal tú en Navidad cuando “casualmente” se te olvidó comprarle un regalo a mi mamá?
(Oh yeah? What about you on Christmas, when you “casually” forgot to buy a present for my mom?)
¡Ay no por favor de nuevo con lo de tu mamá! ÂżY como que “casualmente”? ¡Ya te expliquĂ© mil veces cĂłmo estuvieron las cosas!Â
(Oh no, please again with your mom! And what do you mean with “casually”? I already explained to you a thousand times how things were!)
O sea, tĂş sĂ te puedes quejar pero yo no Âżverdad? ¡Siempre es lo mismo contigo!Â
(So, you can complain, but I can’t, right? It’s always the same with you!)
This is a no-go! Here’s how you can defuse the situation. Stay until the end to learn some of my favorite conflict resolution phrases.
¡Ay ya no es para tanto!Â
(Oh! It’s not that big of a deal!)
ÂżNo es para tanto? ¡AcuĂ©rdate que estoy a dieta!Â
(Not that big of a deal? Remember that I’m on a diet!)
Tienes razĂłn. DiscĂşlpame. PensĂ© que me iba a dar tiempo pero no fue asĂ. Voy a pedir la leche a domicilio o dime ÂżquĂ© puedo hacer para arreglarlo?Â
(You’re right. I’m sorry. I thought I was going to have time, but it wasn’t like that. I’m going to order the milk to be delivered or tell me, what can I do to fix it?)
ÂżEscucharon bien? (Did you listen well?) First, let’s admit the other person is right:
Tienes razón. (You’re right.)
Then we apologize: DiscĂşlpame or perdĂłname work perfectly.
Now a great excuse that I know is the day to day for plenty of people, who like me are unrealistically optimistic about their time management: PensĂ© que me iba a dar tiempo pero no fue asĂ. (I thought I was going to have time but it wasn’t like that.)
And lastly: Dime ¿qué puedo hacer para arreglarlo? (Tell me, what can I do to fix it?)
Pang! Conflict resolution at its finest. Using premade phrases or chunks. Chunks don’t vary and are used by native Spanish speakers all the time, so when you use them you can be sure that you’re saying it right.
So you did great, but perhaps she is still not fine. But there’s a reason why, remember:
Estuvo sĂşper pesado. Mi jefe se portĂł horrible conmigo y tuve que lidiar con unos clientes odiosos.Â
(It was super heavy. My boss behaved terribly to me and I had to deal with a bunch of hideous clients.)Â Â
Veamos quĂ© pasa con nuestra pareja favorita: (Let’s see what happens with our favorite couple:)
¡De nuevo se te olvidĂł! ¡Hasta te mandĂ© mensaje! SabĂas que la necesito para mi licuado.Â
(Again you forgot! I even texted you! You knew I needed it for my milkshake.)
Tienes razĂłn. DiscĂşlpame. PensĂ© que me iba a dar tiempo pero no fue asĂ. Voy a pedir la leche a domicilio o dime, ÂżquĂ© puedo hacer para arreglarlo?Â
(You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m going to order the milk to be delivered or tell me, what can I do to fix it?)
¡O sea! ¡Pudiste haberte acordado!Â
(I mean! You could have remembered!)
Entiendo que tuviste un dĂa difĂcil y contabas conmigo para algo importante para ti y te fallĂ©. De nuevo, discĂşlpame. Pero vamos a resolverlo. ÂżEstá bien?
(I understand that you had a difficult day, and you were counting on me for something important to you, and I failed you. Again, I’m sorry. But let’s solve it. Okay?)
Bueno está bien. Pide la leche por una app.Â
(Well that’s fine. Order the milk by an app.)
¡Conflicto resuelto! (Conflict resolved!)
Maybe I should be a dating coach. I already made a video about how to make your Tinder profile and I think it is great! Let me know in the comments if you think I have a shot at it!
A veces a pesar de que tĂş estĂ©s manteniendo la calma, la otra persona no lo está logrando. (Sometimes even though you are keeping calm, the other person is not making it.) Let’s see what would have happened in an alternate reality when the other person doesn’t seem to want to solve the conflict…
¡O sea! ¡Pudiste haberte acordado!Â
(I mean! You could have remembered!)
Entiendo que tuviste un dĂa difĂcil y contabas conmigo para algo importante para ti y te fallĂ©. De nuevo discĂşlpame. Pero vamos a resolverlo. ÂżEstá bien?
(I understand that you had a difficult day and that you counted on me to do something important for you, and I failed you. Again, I’m sorry. But let’s solve it. Is that ok?)
¡Ughh! ¡Es que siempre es lo mismo! ÂżPara quĂ© te ofreciste hacerlo si no ibas a poder? ¡Estoy hasta la coronilla!Â
(Ugh! It is always the same! Why did you offer to do it if you weren’t able to do it? I’m so fed up!)
What about that, uh? I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to be talked to in that manner.
Para algunos ejemplos de frases en español para cuando estás demasiado enojado, checa el video que mi colega Juan hizo sobre el tema. (For some examples of Spanish phrases for when you are too angry, check out the video that my colleague Juan made on the subject.)
This might be especially useful for people that have a native Spanish speaker as their partner. Porque aunque los latinos somos los mejor del mundo, no somos conocidos por nuestra serenidad. (Because although us Latinos are the best in the world, we are not known for our serenity.)
¿Qué hacemos en estos casos? (What do we do in these cases?)
¡Ughh! ¡Es que siempre es lo mismo! ÂżPara quĂ© te ofreciste hacerlo si no ibas a poder? ¡Estoy hasta la coronilla!Â
(Ughh! It is always the same! Why did you offer to do it if you weren’t going to be able to? I’m fed up!)
Mi amor, entiendo que te sientas frustrado pero de verdad no me gusta cuando me hablan de esa forma. Voy a pausar las cosas por ahora y despuĂ©s hablamos. Te quiero mucho y quiero que resolvamos esto. Â
(My love, I understand that you feel frustrated, but I really don’t like it when they talk to me that way. I’m going to pause things for now, and we’ll talk later. I love you very much, and I want us to solve this.)
Super importante here. I said “no me gusta cuando me hablan de esa forma”. Cuando me hablaN, with an N which is more like “when I’m they talk to me like that” or When I’m talked to this way, NOT cuando me hablaS which is “when YOU talk to me that way”. Recuerda que cuando estamos peleando con alguien no hay que señalarlos. Tenemos que hablar sobre lo que nosotros sentimos. (Remember that when we are fighting with someone we should not point them out. We have to talk about what we feel.)
Now let me share some more helpful phrases to handle all kind of conflicts:
- Te estoy escuchando. (I am listening to you.)
- Déjame ver si entendà a lo que te refieres. (Let me see if I understood what you mean.)
- ÂżCrees que hay algo que no estoy entendiendo bien? (Do you think there is something that I am not understanding well?)
- Tengo toda la intenciĂłn de resolver este conflicto. (I have every intention of resolving this conflict.)
- En este momento no siento que pueda tener una conversaciĂłn productiva. (Right now I don’t feel like I can have a productive conversation.)
- PodrĂamos hablar en otro momento, Âżpor favor? TĂş dime cuando. (Could we talk another time, please? You tell me when.)